#TalkativeThoughts - "You just know".

#TalkativeThoughts : A segment where I write and write and write about my thoughts running through my mind, sometimes a little disorganized (perhaps most of the time). The chitter chatter of my thoughts expressed through the tapping of my keyboard. In short, a wordy post.  



Have you ever felt trapped in a situation? Be it doing a job you really dread, in a relationship where you seem to be anxious and worried, instead of head over heels happy, a friendship where you are the only one putting in effort to stay in touch, or being in a place you feel like you don't belong?

I have. Loads of time.

Sometimes it's difficult to express these thoughts, because what other people see is how good your pay is, how perfect your relationship seems, and how you are just being negative or sensitive, and making a big deal out of things.

But somehow, you know something is not right, deep down in your guts, you just know.

"You just know". 

This phrase seems so abstract, I mean, how do you even know?! "Well, you just know" seems to be the best explanation. But I am not saying that it's not scary, when you just know, and yet you cannot seem to find a reason or explanation for this feeling, but just a plain six sense in you knowing it. But then comes your very logical and rational mind asking yourself, are you sure? are you being impulsive? are you overthinking things?

It's not easy to walk away from something that seems to be good, or at least not thaaat bad, just because "you just know". It's weird, it's uncertain, it's a crazy decision.

But then again, that dreadful feeling of waking up to that job, that heart wrenching moment when you get into yet another fight about the same thing, that uncomfortable feeling of being in a certain place... Is that all worth it? Just because it is something you can live with, does it mean it is something you should continue living with?

How do you even know a decision you are about to make is correct? What if it leaves you feeling worse, leave you with nothing, regretting a decision you made based on a simple gut feeling? Then what?

Sometimes, I sure wish life came with a manual, telling you what are the correct steps, study hard in psychology, be a counselor, marry that guy you met at the library named Ted, then add in the flour and eggs, then beat it until it is fluffy, put it into the oven till it turns golden brown or something like that.

But no, it does not. But then again, despite the uncertainties, isn't it a great feeling, to make a few wrong turns in life, and yet, find yourself along the way, find happiness and realize where you are is where you really want to be, all on your own?

If you ever feel trapped, suffocated, with someone, with a place, with something, even with yourself, do not be afraid to trust the little voice in your head, and make the change you deserve. So what if it was a wrong move? If you weren't happy where you were in the first place, that place probably was not meant to be for you.

If it turns out to be a mistake, you need to make it to know it's a mistake.

Quoting my favorite sitcom of all times :

Ted: No, it's not an adventure, it's a mistake!
Lily: OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yep, that was a mistake.' So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'd go your whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not.

Because don't settle for something less than you deserve, and sometimes, you just got to have faith and believe yourself when "You Just Know".

Once again, so much love for you guys who took the time to read my talkative thoughts.

Till next time,

#TalkativeThoughts - Being 21.

It's been a while, about two months since I last blogged. It's not like I lost interest or I have forgotten about this very special place where I put my thoughts into words. To be honest, the main reason why I kept procrastinating was because I felt like my last few posts, totally changed the standard of my blog because of the pictures that I went through so much effort to capture and edit. So I was actually afraid to blog because I know I don't have much photos, and I know how a post with only words can seem pretty boring or even intimidating.

But I have missed writing, I have missed writing out what have been consuming my thoughts, and expressing it via writing. Besides, as much as I love experimenting taking artsy photos and editing them to make them blog worthy, or even just a slightest bit of looking professional, I find it difficult to do that now as I am doing my internship, where I dedicate more than half of my time to work, and most of the other time I have left is spent at home recovering from the tiredness from work. However, I really, really, really still want to keep writing, and not abandoning this little space I occupy on the world wide web to express myself. So, I decided to continue writing posts, even if I have no pictures to accompany my words.

Because I have an OCD need to compartmentalize stuff, I decided to actually separate this sort of long, wordy posts without much photos to a new segment, which I decided to name, Talkative Thoughts.

#TalkativeThoughts : A segment where I write and write and write about my thoughts running through my mind, sometimes a little disorganized (perhaps most of the time). The chitter chatter of my thoughts expressed through the tapping of my keyboard. In short, a wordy post.



Alright, I shall hop in straight to my first #TalkativeThought post, which as the title says, is about being 21.



Everyone knows that turning 21 is a big deal. Well, it is the norm to make it a big deal since you are officially an adult now. Well, I have always imagined like how it would actually feel, to be able to be an adult, to be able to be responsible of yourself, and the decisions you make. Oh, and on a more pretentious level, I always thought that my 21st birthday would be one of the best birthdays of my life, partying hard, with lots of people celebrating it with me; because after all, that is what all the chick flicks I watched have proven it to be.

Well, its almost after a month of being 21, and no, I did not have a crazy birthday bash, nothing even near to be precise, but I guess being 21 at this time, it coincides with a pretty significant step of my life.

During this period, I have courageously chose to do my internship all the way in the big city, Kuala Lumpur because of a company I have always looked up to. It's not even like it is because it's a great psychology/counselling centre, it is because it is actually related to another one of my great interests, FASHION. It has been a prestigious company I have always been interested to work in, but have always brush the thought off due to my own initial plans of becoming a counselor or a psychologists of some sort. So choosing this company was a great shock to my parents, whom kept questioning me, "Why suddenly? what happened to your dream of doing counseling/clinical psychology?" and "If you want to work in a corporate industry, why do you have to go all the way to KL?" or even questions from my brother like, "Are you sure you want to do this? It might be irrelevant in your resume in the future!"

But at the end, after so many debates I had with my family, and mostly myself (only my close friends know how much internal struggle I went through to decide and convinced my family), I decided this is where I want to do my internship. I was lucky enough to have one of my close friend/course mate who decided to do her internship in this company as well. So here we are, all the way from penang, doing our internship in a company that is not really related to our course, sharing a room in a house with a few mean and selfish housemates, living the budget of life of cooking super duper simple meals and even bringing it to work most days.

Getting back on track, on my 21st birthday, I was working, doing a job which I actually kinda enjoy and love. Besides, how can I not feel loved when my immediate boss, who is the manager, came over to gave me a hug and wished me happy birthday in the morning, and invited me for lunch with her and the other bosses. Oh and the best part of this birthday? Getting compliments on the work I did, which I put in a lot of effort in. That was the best feeling ever. It made me realize, that was a great stamp to start my "adult life", putting in my hard work into a job that I enjoy, and actually being acknowledged for it. After work, I did have a good meal of awesome Japanese food, together with my roommate, who was so sick with flu, but still insisted to teman me for a good dinner. On an irrelevant note, I was also down with flu on the day right after my birthday. But after two days, which was a Sunday, I managed to crawl out of my bed and continued my work at home. Which once again, reminds me that being an adult means being responsible.

All in all, being 21 perhaps is not really about partying hard and doing things like drinking legally, but it's actually knowing what matters to you most. It is about realizing what you want to do with your life, if you are working towards the right path, if you are working hard enough to realize your own passions and dreams.

And that is all I want right now. To learn to be better, to work really hard towards my passion and dreams, to know my priorities, to know who and what really matters most, and to always keep them in sight. And most importantly, to always be thankful for all that I have.

It is no walk in the park doing this internship, with adapting to the working routine, the very small space I have in my room, away from my parents, away from most of my friends whom I can always run to, away from my comfort zone....But as the saying goes....

photo credits to one of my current obsessions on instagram : @whitefortype (Natasha) who does amazing brush writing. Go check her out!

Being 21 is a time to explore, to find places you want to go, places you belong, to find your own passions and dreams, to find, ultimately, yourself. :)

With much love for all of those who bothered to read through such a wordy post,