I may be a lil late for this post, but I just came back from a year end Langkawi trip with two of my schoolmates who are really close to me. But then again, being 5 days late on a year end post is not as bad as neglecting my blog again for about a whole semester. But right now I am going to try to make it up by explaining why I chose to hide away in my own personal world.
The recent semester was one of the toughest semester I had ever experienced so far. I was so busy and stressed out academically, with having to complete the first 3 chapters of my Final Year Project (FYP) in a short semester, and everything else around me was crumbling down on me. SO much had happened in this semester, making my 2015 one of the toughest year I had to go through as well.
I guess 2015 is the year that I experienced the highest highs and at the same time the lowest lows. It is the most intense year with so much happening around me. I think it kinda fits the whole "becoming adult" year since I turned 21 this year too. So the best word to summarize 2015 is GROWTH. This year has made me grow up so much, some in a very pleasant way, like during my internship in KL, and some in a much more painful/forced way, especially losing many people whom I used to trust with all my heart.
Growing up is a funny thing.. The only way you really, REALLY grow up is when you are forced to, because of circumstances. This year has really forced me to grow up.. living in a foreign place with sucky housemates and not many friends for 3 months, being forced to adapt to working life, heartbreaks, loss etc etc. It has been a really intense year. But I am indeed grateful for this year for allowing me to grow so much.. I have learned to be independent, to toughen up and do things for myself and no one else. To take care and protect myself, and learn to be my own hero.
Trust me, it is much more easier said than done. When I say that it has been a rough semester, I really mean it. There are days when I just have a meltdown for the most silly reasons because I have had a really rough week. I remember there was once I started sobbing uncontrollably in my car when I lost my way while finding my way to TM Point to settle my internet problem. There are days when I am supposed to be studying for my midterm but I end up mindlessly scrolling social media or crawling to bed every 5 minutes to take a 20 minutes nap because I was feeling so numb.
However, I really tried my very best to toughen up. I decorated my bedroom to my best ability to make myself feel belonged to at least my own room. I cleaned my room and make sure it is always in top notch condition to feel in control. I woke up early and made coffee and planned out my day to help me stay focus. I started a pretty consistent workout plan to get into better shape to feel good about myself. I cooked meals for myself. I really worked hard for myself. And I am indeed grateful. Despite so many things happening around me, I learned so much. I learned that it is okay if many people leave, because at the end of the day, you still have yourself. You have to be there for yourself. You are your own constant person.
I am also super grateful for the friends that stayed by me. When I was down in the dump, they were willing to hear me out, had to deal with me being a sappy emotionally needy person, drove all the way down to see me, and did not walk away when I was not in the best version of myself. Thank you guys. I learned that friends who love you and care for you, will really stick by you no matter what.
Oh and not to mention, this year has taught me to be much more grateful. When I was feeling crappy, I will stop and try to think of all the things I am grateful for, and this really helped me through tough times. Whether it was a good day or a bad day, before I sleep, I will try to find the things I am grateful for that day and thanked God for it.
2015 is really a year of growth for me. Being 21 has taught me so much. I learn that when it comes to work and studies, passion and dreams, as long as you do it with all your heart, with great effort, it will definitely pay off. I learned that nothing beats a great sense of accomplishment so I am willing to work hard to achieve that. I also learn that you have to be your own "person", your own best friend. Because despite it sounding a little morbid and unlike me, but one of my realist friend once told me, "You can never trust anyone 100%. It is too risky. Trust them, but only to the maximum of 99%." I have to agree with that, and learned that I have to trust myself 100%, and to stick up for myself, because no one else will.
It has been a freaking good year of growing up for me. Despite everything, I am so thankful for everything that has happened to me in this year as it has really made me grow.
It is now time to take a deep breath, and brace myself for 2016. I hope to bring together the lessons I learned in 2015, and strengthen them, and be ready to kick ass in this new year, no matter what challenges it brings. I am ready. :)
