Just the other day, on the phone with my friend, he jokingly asked me, "Am I your favourite company?"
I actually answered, "Yes you are my favorite company, but I think you are still my 2nd favorite company, because the first one is myself. " I myself was pretty shocked by the answer I just uttered, and yet it spoke my mind, and made me feel an overwhelming sense of self.
The reason my title says "a different perspective" is because when I was in Form 5 (17 years old), I wrote a post titled "The Art of Being Alone" in my old personal blog describing how I could not stand being alone, how uncomfortable I feel with awkward silences and being alone, and how much I wanted to to grasp the art of being alone.
3 and a half years later, here I am writing another post, to share my thoughts on how much I actually enjoy having my alone time. Its fascinating how time and experience can change a person's perspective, help a person to grow and mature, huh? I mean I still feel surprised and in awe of how different my perspective and thoughts about things are from the 17 year old me.
Alright, back to my new found love to enjoy solitude.
Its been awhile already, but recently, this feeling got even stronger, the feeling of really enjoying my timeout from people, and that includes my family or my friends, and embracing my own company. I don't mind going out on personal outings like grocery shopping alone or grabbing lunch.
I especially enjoy doing things alone in the comfort of my own room, such as playing some super chill playlist on Spotify, watch some dramas, and even getting my work done.
I find that a lot of my alone time are super productive. This is cause I can do whatever I want, at my own pace. I am a planner, and I like when things are listed out according to their importance, and specific time allocated for each task, and I get to do things in a specific manner which makes it most productive. I do slack, no doubt, but at least I can be working at my own pace.
Another thing I love about being alone, is I actually have deep thoughts. To be honest, I have conversations with myself. I like that a lot cause it makes me think and reflect, and along the way, I kinda understand myself better. Although it sounds like narcissism, I think its really important to have conversations with yourself and enjoy your own company. When I'm alone, I go into all sorts of conversations with myself, from frivolous things like "Should I paint my nails bright or dark this time? "I feel like dark because its classy, but then again I feel like getting into a cheerful mood with some colors.", to deep conversations about my future, what do I want in life and if I am working towards the right path. I know that even when you are with people, you can talk about all this stuff, but sometimes its really nice to be able to have internal debates with yourself, and gain new insights. Its actually pretty fulfilling. :)
One last thing, I like how carefree being alone is. When I used to be afraid to spend time alone, I would have to go through all my contacts, ask if anyone was free to hang out, and had to face disappointment, and actually going out and spending time with people who aren't that great company after all, engaging in awkward conversations, or worse, hanging out with people whom I can't really be comfortable and at ease with. So ever since I embraced solidarity, I stop desperately looking for company just because I need company. Rather, I enjoy spending time just doing whatever I want, playing whatever music I feel like, and not having to worry about being an awkward penguin in awkward situations.
Just like right now, as I am typing out this post, with 1234 by Feist playing behind, while waiting for my nails to dry. Totally awesome kind of chill time. Ahhhhh. This is real bliss.
I do love the company of people, especially those whom I enjoy spending time with. I am not anti social (at least not completely :p), I still love hanging out with my friends, is just that I find a need to spend some time with myself. If I don't get this timely timeouts (saw the play of words, not?! hehehe), I tend to feel suffocated, and I become a bit distant and distracted from my conversations with other people. So it is sort of like a balance. After some time with friends, I like to rejuvenate with some alone time, then after that, I would be able to fully enjoy the company of those around me.
Why force yourself to be surrounded by people? Another quote I really like is by Jean-Paul Sartre, who said that "If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company." I guess you need to be able to accept yourself fully to be able to enjoy spending time with yourself, and its a really nice feeling to know you are alright being alone in your own company.
So don't be afraid to be alone. Embrace the independence, enjoy the solidarity. <3
